Twilight Cast New Year Resolutions

Michael Welch- I’m going to lay off the chips and try to lose that thing where it looks like I stuffed marshmallows in my cheeks. “Team Marshmallow” is cool and all, but I’m going for more of a Rob Pattinson-type chiseled face look in 2010.

Justin Chon- I plan to take Mike up on his offer for the  ’bring a friend for free” coupon at the Tantopia

Buttcrack Santa- In 2010 I’m going to be looking for a girl a little bit older than my usual to share those little bottles with. Maybe someone 14 instead of 12. I’m also going to try to reinvent myself and show a little less crack. I like the ring of “”Armpit Hair Santa,” and I might try to bring the white-mesh wife beater back in style

Ashley Greene- Well, 2009 was successful with my naked picture scandal, so my 2010 resolution is to kick it up a notch with a sex tape leak. In part 2 of my resolution I hope that the scandal involves a B-list celebrity this time rather than some of the D & C-listers I’ve been known to f*ck

Kristen Stewart- This year I plan to have much better hair. I’d also like to prove all those critics who talk me up right by starring in a great movie that gets me a legitimate award nomination like that other Twilight actress…. what’s her name again?

Anna Kendrick-In 2010 Anna plans to continue her reign as the only actor to come out of the Twilight saga worth her paycheck as an actress. She might possibly say “no” to filming Breaking Dawn and instead star in next year’s Oscar Best Picture winner. Rob Pattinson can sit behind her next year!

Catherine Hardwicke- I resolve to convince TGIFridays to rename the Ultimate Margarita the “Ultimate Cougarita” in honor of me. I’m pitching to them that we make the Ultimate Cougarita half off if you bring in a date who is at least 15-20 years younger than you are!

Taylor Lautner- With the recent demise of my never-really-was relationship Swiftner, I am back to the drawing board…Next year I plan to find new “safe” Disney-esque or country super star to take out on dates with her parents to steakhouse chains, and maybe I’ll even get a kiss on the lips. Fingers crossed that I can work up to copping a feel in 2011.

Jackson Rathbone- My only 2010 resolution is to stop straying from the Lord and accept Kellan’s invitation to his Wednesday night men’s Bible study. It’ll be hard, but I want to enjoy it even thought its just MEN. [UC Note: that's what she said] I also might try to tackle actually WRITING a song as opposed to only improvising. I hear that’s rewarding….although, don’t worry, I still plan on writing songs about fish getting it on in your swimming pool as you watch them while sucking on a Popsicle.

Kellan Lutz- In 2010, as the Twilight cast’s token evangelical Christian, I plan to lead a group of young men into the mountains for one of those “Let’s go into the wildnerness alone with a bunch of dudes and commit to never jacking off again” conferences. I’d also like to pose for playgirl

Chris Weitz- I’m working up the nerve to try out my new cranberry pants in public in 2010.

What are YOUR 2010 resolutions?


Related Posts with Thumbnails

Comments are closed.

  • ADS
    Create your own banner at!